Is that my gut feeling or my anxiety? Learning to trust your inner voice

Scroll through social media for approximately three minutes, and you’ll have about 20 different opinions on the absolute best way to live your life. In a world that celebrates influencers and where everyone out there is an expert, it can become difficult to find your inner voice and, more importantly, trust what that voice is saying. Mental health struggles can also further impede your trust in your inner voice - PTSD, anxiety, depression, OCD - there can be lots of thoughts and feelings that you don’t trust or want to give attention to.

So, how do you find your inner voice, and how do you learn to trust it?

Disclaimer: For some, especially those with trauma histories, it can be tremendously useful to have a therapist to help identify their inner voice vs. internalized fear.

1. Wait, is that my gut?

It’s important to start here, because it’s one of the common confusions. Are you overly anxious, or is that your gut telling you to be careful? You might also have intrusive thoughts, which can cause added confusion. Let’s break them down:

An anxious thought is going to be more incessant, repetitive, and often includes the words “what if” or “never” or “always”. Anxiety frequently leaves you feeling like you’re being dragged around by a paranoid bodyguard. It has an energy of urgency.

An intrusive thought is a thought that causes you distress, can come out of nowhere, and often feels counter to your value system and who you are. It can contain violent content, and it will likely feel unsettling or scary. It can leave you wondering if you even know who you are.

A gut feeling, on the other hand, is a feeling in your body that is calm and certain. It may be inconvenient or disappointing - for example: “I love the idea of working there, but something really doesn’t feel right about it.” But it won’t be urgent, frantic, or panicky. A gut feeling is the knowledge you have right before the thoughts begin to counter, argue, or get confused.

This can take time to identify in your own system, but the more you begin to pay attention to the nuances and differences, the easier it will be to identify your own inner knowing.

2. Nobody else can tell you what to do.

If I got a penny every time I had a client ask me to just tell them what to do, I’d have a lot of pennies. But a therapist avoiding giving advice is an integral part of the work.

When a therapist tells a client what to do, the client may end up shoving their voice aside to make room for someone else’s. One of the primary goals in therapy is to help people become more connected to their own voice, so that it can help carry them through many more life experiences, long after therapy ends.

The same idea applies outside of therapy. When you’re faced with a decision, you may feel tempted to reach out to as many people as possible, looking to outsource the decision, or get confirmation regarding your own thought process. But, ultimately, most people will give you advice or opinions filtered through their own value system, life experiences, and unique perspective. Trusting their voice instead of your own can feel safer, but will also reinforce the idea that your own voice is not trustworthy.

It certainly can be helpful to get out of your own head when trying to make a decision, but ideally, you can do this by choosing one person you trust and respect. This person should be someone who is particularly skilled at reflecting your own thoughts back to you, and therefore can help you align with your values and inner voice. Try not to choose someone who tends to give you the easy way out by making the decisions for you - as tempting as that may be.

3. Start Small

Learning to trust your voice can begin with really small steps, like choosing a snack, or what to do with a free half hour.

For example:

If you’re working out and your body says it’s done - but everyone else around you is still going - this is a chance to practice self-trust. You might quickly hear critical thoughts creep in: You’re weak, you could’ve done more. But this is an opportunity to respect your body’s whisper, even if it contradicts your original plan or hope.

Or imagine you’re standing in front of the fridge: you’re craving something salty, but when you open the fridge, you start doubting yourself. “The apple right there is healthier,” you tell yourself. You go back and forth. You hesitate. You overthink. This is the perfect moment to tune in to what your body actually wants because there is a reason for that craving, and in that moment, you’re telling your body: I’m listening - and I trust you.

As with everything, there is nuance on this topic that goes beyond a blog post, and so much more to say. Being able to hear and trust your inner voice becomes more and more important as you make bigger and bigger decisions. Trusting it can be integral in navigating dating, choosing a career path, determining who you surround yourself with, and the way you live your life day to day.

We live in a noisy world, and your inner voice has a lot more wisdom than you may think - what would it be like if you started to tune in and listen?

If you are looking to start therapy, submit a form here to book a free 15 minute consultation with Dina or Etta.